Letting Go

I am finding, as my girls get older, that the most constant struggle I've dealt with, is letting go--and I mean that on a number of different levels. We have expectations and plans and dreams for our children and for our family dynamic. I know that when I was a young girl, I had a plan to go to college, travel abroad, start a career, meet the man of my dreams and then settle down in a big beautiful house, with yes, a white-picked fence like the one in 90s TV show "7th Heaven". I had the expectation that I would spend real quality time with my children on a daily basis, that my marriage would thrive and grow every year, that my house would be clean and my pocketbook full, that I would cook and bake because I loved it and was good at it, and that my house would be full of the sounds of laughter and friendship and memories.

None of these ideals were realistic. Key words: ideal and realistic.

I have been a parent for nearly 12 years now. Sure, profound memories fill the rooms of this house--but so do messes and stains and smells--what IS that smell? My marriage grows every year and it's full of love, 99.9% of the time. Quality time is spent with the girls, in 15 minute increments in the car to golf lessons or Girl Scouts. I bake, but not well; I cook; but not because I love it; and my pocket book contains a $5 bill...that's all. This is my reality and frankly, I'm tired of living the Instrgram lie.

Our expectations were shot the second we found out we were pregnant. I can't say that was a joyous couple of days necessarily. I was 21 years old, unmarried (gasp, "sinner"), and Nate and I really hadn't accomplished anything to speak of. No travel, no careers, I hadn't even finished college. We didn't have any money in savings, were both living with roommates and to be quite frank--we'd barely known each other a year. I look back at that time, as we are 12 years into our marriage and two beautiful babies deep, and I realize that no matter what expectations or plans we had, this is where God intended us to be.

It's time to let go of unrealistic expectations and plans. My kids are alive and smart and well and happy. My marriage is strong and my husband is my best friend. My house is lived in, some days more than others. We enjoy restaurants when my cooking isn't at it's best and I only have $5 because for that very reason!

And that's OK. In fact, it's perfectly imperfect! It's messes and arguments and crazy schedules and it's also laughter and family and pure joy. If we let go of such high, unrealistic expectations and this desire for perfection, we can see that life is beautifully messy!

We also have to let go of grandiose plans--neither for your overall path in life, nor for your trip to the grocery store. Expect the unexpected. All of the time. I'm not discouraging a plan for the future or a plan to save money for a vacation. I simply mean that plans, 97.6% of the time should be thrown to the wayside, either A) to live in a moment or B) to avoid a massive heap of disappointment. When do things ever go exactly as you planned them? In your life, in your marriage, in your week or even in your lunch hour? Shattered plans don't have to throw off your day if you have a lesser, looser expectation and allow yourself to let life's plan take it's course.

Know that there will be some days when your expectations for your day are as minimal as they can possibly be, and you still find disappointment. Take time for prayer and reflection. Place your burdens on God, laugh off the giant mess in your kitchen, pour a glass of wine, pick yourself up off of the ground and let go of all of the small stuff. Seriously, "Shake it Off"!

Let go of the small stuff. Didn't get to the laundry today? Who cares, it'll be there tomorrow. Fed your kids a Happy Meal for lunch? Who cares? They certainly don't! Forgot to take the movies back to the Redbox, it's only a couple of dollars. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter that you didn't cross off all 84 things on your to do list today? Cut yourself some slack and let go of the small stuff.

And then, when you've just learned how to let go of the high expectations and perfection and the small stuff...it's time to let go of them. Those little people that you adjusted and compromised and bent for. The loves of your life--you've shared triumphs and broken hearts and joys and pains--you one day have to let go of them as well.

Seriously, you get to a point where you've finally mastered life--letting go of the small stuff and adjusting your plans and compensating for life's hiccups--and then it's time to let go of them. It doesn't seem fair. But, they've learned all they could, they've absorbed every moment and they are suddenly very well-equipped to take on the universe in their own perfectly imperfect way!

Earlier this week we sent our oldest daughter off to middle school. She had to take a leap of faith out of a public school that she grew up in and into a private environment where she knew very little people. And we had to let go enough for her to be able to do that. We had decided that this would be her decision. You know what happened? She owned that decision and while it hasn't been the smoothest week, despite our planning, she is thrilled about her newfound independence. The rest will follow. She's making friends, she's getting used to her teachers and classes, she is riding the bus to and from school, she's making her way in the world, blind to what's coming next but eager to see!

Life is full of choices. We have to let go of our expectations and ideals and let God take the wheel, having faith that His plan is bigger than our own.